VOICE OF A SILENT GODDESS

The last about 1 1/2 months have been spent mostly in secret worship, away from my family, mostly worshipping an ancient Goddess through ritualistic chants given in an ancient scripture. I have been seeking her blessings, both for mundane and spiritual reasons. I must confess that I got tired of the routine in between and wanted to stop midway (I think it was the 8th of October). That evening I decided I wouldn't go further with all the daily drudgery and the tiring routine with my chants and invocations. Around midnight, I was woken up by some invisible presence in the room. It was so tangible and powerful that I got up as if touched by a live wire. I remember a female voice clearly saying in my ear - " Shall I go away then ? " I thought I must be dreaming and dozed off but was woken up again by the same presence. This time it was scary. Remembering my Guru, I sat up on the bed and turned the light on, thinking to myself - "Boss, you better continue. Seems the one you were calling all the while is here." The next day i rang up my Guru and he confirmed the validity of the experience saying that he would have been more surprised, if nothing had happened at all. He ended the conversation with the same advice - "this better continue to the end. Dont stop now that you have come so far...... not now." After this, surprisingly the daily worship changed in terms of the experience it was giving me. I smilingly prayed to the Goddess not to go, but to be there with me always. Then onwards, it was almost like, some part of me woke up inside me, sending me slowly into raptures of devotion to the Goddess. I would offer her myself, my body, my ego and my soul - urging her to bless me. An almost physical nerve around the heart region would open up daily as if someone unzipped it every time I started the devotional routine - ah , sheer nectar of her presence captivated my mind. Now that I am ending with the particular worship, the presence of the Goddess is ever more strong. The Goddess I was worshipping is known as the "Tripur Sundari" - the Mother Divinity who is said to have existed before the beginning of the three types of creation in the universe - the physcial, astral and the causal. Tri (three) - pur (before). And the scripture I am referring to is "Soundarya Lahiri" - literally translated - "The waves of Divine Beauty". When I started my worship, I was unaware - but as I end with the puja, I now understand why Adi Shankaracharya (the saint who wrote this scripture), chose to call it so. The Goddess is actually the epitome of the waves of divine beauty. I bow down to Her everywhere - in my mind and heart, in my body and in this universe. Words are limited and I just can not explain to anyone in words what I have felt.